Good Quotes

We must seek the error in our own truth and the truth in our opponent's error

Richard? or Reinhold? Niebuhr

Catching up

Where do I start? I quit writing in December.  I had a lot of encouragement to continue writing. Several friends and family were delighted that I was opening myself and willing to share my thoughts and feelings. But all it took was a couple of comments to discourage me. It's interesting how one negative comment , or even a slightly disappointing one, can outweigh all of the positive feedback.  So much for the strength of positive feedback.  I vaguely remember in my college studies something about negative reinforcement being as powerful as positive reinforcement.  Based on this one anecdotal experience, I could venture that negative reinforcement had more impact than positive reinforcement.

Then again, my energy and ability to focus for any period of time also diminished. The entry into the world of giving care to a loved one during cancer treatments was almost paralyzing.  There is no way to sum up the experience in a short paragraph.  I'd like to give it a go anyway. It's depressing, shattering, uplifting, sweet, bitter, angering, confusing, challenging, enriching, encouraging, hopeful, self-absorbing, humbling, gracious, ennobling and so on and on.  It's a world of paradox.  Your world shrinks to a microcosm, while also knowing intuitively that you are experiencing the universal great truths of life and love.

It's a life changing experience. I have been fully aware that I have changed and these changes are for the better.  Yet, I would find it difficult to describe what has changed. I know that my relationship with my mother is sweeter, more intimate, more intense, more honest, and a gift that I will always treasure. The same is true about my relationships with my husband, my siblings, and my children.

I will give thanks to you, O LORD, with my whole heart... I will sing your praise. (Psalm 138) I give you thanks O LORD for the blessings of loving relationships and family members who care for and support one another. Thank you for answering my call for hope and for increasing my strength within me. You have blessed us all and I am profoundly grateful ,O LORD, for your love that endures forever. Amen.

Chemo: Cycle 1, Day 8

Respite and Work Day

Mother is feeling well today.  Her strength has been returning daily.  She decided to return to the common dining room for her lunch and dinner meals.  Her immune system is down, so the danger is the exposure to the coughs and sneezes of those who are not well.   She tried being in her room for meals.  But where’s the fun in that?  People don’t just drop in and visit each other, they wait to be invited.  So, all the social interactions center around the meal times.  I admit that I strongly encouraged Mother to choose caution over community.  But, I’m glad she threw caution to the wind.  This disease is just not worth the sacrifice. Friendships and community are too important.

I did not visit Mother today.  We talked on the phone several times and I kept her up to date with my comings and goings. She kept me up to date with hers.  Roy and I cleared out the Mother’s bedroom at the house, so that we can stop living out of suitcases.  This meant clearing out the clothes and stuff in the dresser drawers and the closet.  I filled 3 bins of clothes for Mother to sort through and 3 black bags to go to Goodwill.  Well, one bag is full of hangers.  But I feel like these are impressive numbers!  Tomorrow, Mother and I will start sorting through the bins and making keep and give away piles.  Roy is painting the closet and touching up the holes and spots on the walls.  This took us all day with more to do tomorrow.  But I am gratified that we accomplished this much.  One room is now ready for the sale, whenever that happens.  This is one less item on our grand to-do list.  Blessed relief.

"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  . . . . 

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your companionship and for the strength that you share as we shoulder the responsibilities of this particular journey.  Amen.