Family Work

A dear friend cautioned me that being Mother's companion and caregiver during her chemotherapy would be "difficult physical and spiritual work."  What he forgot to mention was the family work that is part of this journey.

My sister (closest in age to me) and I are referred to as the Generals in our family.  We are the two eldest and only 17 months apart in age. We organize. We create. We lead.  We're partners on family projects.  We planned, shopped, organized her son's wedding reception in three days with a budget of $300.  And, yes, we are bossy . . .  but only in the kindest possible way.  Well, we hope so.  The first time we saw the movie "White Christmas," we immediately identified with the sisters (played by Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen).  I don't know how many times we spontaneously burst out singing and "dancing" to their Sisters, Sisters song.

The lyrics truly described us, especially these lines:

Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters, . . .
Caring, sharing ...
All kinds of weather, we stick together
The same in the rain and sun
Two different faces, but in tight places
We think and we act as one
Those who've seen us
Know that not a thing could come between us ...

But, we have had our squabbles, especially when we are trying to boss one another. And Lord help anyone who tried to get between us and tried to help us sort things out.  In those instances, we turned as one - - - well, it wasn't a pretty sight.

One of the ending lines to the song is "Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister."  We loved that bit. Unfortunately, the mister that is interfering now is this dreadful disease that is threatening our mother's life.  I really want us to pull together and be the powerfully wonderful partners that we have been.   But my old childhood struggles have reared their ugly heads and are wreaking havoc with my relationship with my sister.  I am struggling.  I hurt when we talk about what's going on between us.  Pride and envy threaten to overcome me. I have to back away.  Create some space and time to rest my weary soul in hopes that the feeling of nearness and that awesome synergy will return.  

It will happen.  I'm sure it will. We will each learn more about ourselves and the other.  We will forgive each other.  Our flaws may not change much, but our relationship will be strengthened and renewed.  

As with any family at a time like this, all the work that accompanies us in this journey is difficult.  All of our frailties are exposed and sometimes battered.  But at other times, our frailties are propped up by the strengths of others.  Family becomes the source of love and forgiveness so that we may band together to overcome the difficult and rejoice in the victories.

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, who created in families: We pray that you remove every root of bitterness, vainglory, and pride. Fill us with faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness. Knit us together in constant affection; and so enkindle fervent charity among us all, that we may evermore be kindly affectionate one to another; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.